The Real Reason You're Making Your Life Harder Than It Needs to Be
Do you feel stuck, endlessly reliving the same vicious cycles? Do you feel like you're sabotaging your own efforts to improve your life? If any of these situations resonate with you, this article might offer you a new perspective on the patterns that influence your everyday life.
In this text, I’ll explore in detail what I call "belief patterns." These patterns shape our behavior, influence our decisions, and often limit us without us even realizing it. They can also be responsible for unnecessary and repeated suffering.
To illustrate this, I’ll share examples from my own life in a process we might call self-analysis. This introspective and informative approach will allow me to reflect on my own blocks. By digging deeper, I hope to draw lessons not only for myself but also for you, my readers.
My hope is that some of these examples will resonate with you and help you identify limiting beliefs and thought patterns that are holding back your potential. I also hope to show you how these patterns create unnecessary suffering that you have the power to avoid.
Let’s dive into this exploration of the main thought patterns that, in my case, complicate my life much more than necessary. You might find clues to transform your own.
When Pride and Fear Hold Us Back: Learning to Ask for Help
One of the biggest obstacles to my personal development has been my difficulty in asking for help. This reluctance has held me back at many points in my life, creating a vicious circle of insecurities and blocks. Why is asking for help so hard? Here are three main reasons that explain my behavior:
"I should already know how to do this!"
I often have this irrational belief that certain skills or knowledge should already be part of my baggage, even without any valid reason. When I don’t know how to do something, I interpret it as proof of a lack of intelligence. As a result, I feel ashamed to ask for help, as if it exposes a weakness.
"What if others think I’m incompetent?"
The fear of judgment is a powerful inhibitor. Sometimes I feel that asking for help could tarnish the image others have of me or make me seem incapable. This need for validation and recognition prevents me from being vulnerable, even though this vulnerability could help me move forward.
"Others are more competent than me."
I’ve often felt that others were naturally smarter or more talented than I am. This belief reinforces my sense of inferiority and makes me avoid asking for help, even when I really need it.
The Vicious Cycle of Inaction
Not asking for help creates a cycle that amplifies shame and delay. The longer I wait, the worse the emotional and mental effects get: guilt, frustration, and feelings of failure. These emotions linger long after the situation is resolved, affecting my self-confidence and my ability to move forward.
A personal example: The Excel Case
When I started my studies at business school, I was quickly faced with using Microsoft Excel, a tool I had never worked with before. Many of my classmates had years of experience with the software, which made me feel even more incompetent. Instead of asking for help, I chose to hide my ignorance, which led me into a spiral of frustration and shame for two years.
It wasn’t until I started a professional project that required Excel that I was forced to ask for help. To my surprise, the experience was far less painful than I had imagined. I learned, progressed, and am now able to use the tool without major difficulty.
Limiting Beliefs as Self-Fulfilling Prophecies
Refusing to ask for help acts like a self-fulfilling prophecy. By refusing to acknowledge my weaknesses, I block my learning and confirm my own fears: I stay stuck while others progress. This mechanism feeds my sense of inferiority and reinforces the false belief that I’m not “good enough.”
A Lesson for Moving Forward
What this experience taught me is that asking for help is not a weakness, but a strength. Recognizing our limits is the first step to overcoming them. Every request for help is an opportunity to grow, learn, and build self-confidence.
If you struggle with similar beliefs, remember that no one is omniscient, and even the greatest experts once asked for help. Turning these limiting beliefs into learning opportunities could be the key to unlocking your potential.
Making a Big Deal Out of Nothing: Learning to Put Things into Perspective
For a long time, I struggled to ask for help, and on top of that, I often made a big deal out of trivial things. Looking back, it’s almost comical to realize how most of my worries turned out to be unfounded.
For example, during my adolescence, I made a big deal out of my love life. I wondered if I would ever have a girlfriend. In middle school, I thought I was the only boy who didn’t have one. In high school, this thought still haunted me. It wasn’t until later that I realized I wasn’t alone in this situation. In reality, many of my classmates lied about their supposed love lives, probably to cover up their own insecurities.
Another example? The stress I felt about Excel. I thought you had to be a genius to master the tool. However, once I took the time to learn, I realized how accessible it actually was.
These experiences taught me an essential lesson: much of what we worry about isn’t as important as we think. How many times have you worried about something that, in hindsight, seemed trivial?
The Fear of Not Measuring Up
Even though I recognize my strengths, I often feel like I’m not as talented as others. This belief, though subjective and impossible to prove, has shaped my way of working. I feel the need to compensate by working harder than others.
While this work ethic has its advantages, it also comes at a cost. I struggle to allow myself moments of rest. Even when I take a “day off,” my mind is in a loop: “You should be doing something productive.” As a result, I sometimes spend my weekends exhausting myself on tasks that aren’t very effective, simply because I lack motivation.
This perfectionism also affects the way I promote myself. I find it hard to put myself forward, as if I have to constantly prove my worth. And while this drives me to offer my best, this obsession can become exhausting.
Losing Sight of What’s Important
When I focus on a goal, I tend to forget everything else. This narrow-mindedness can lead to negative thoughts and feelings of wanting to quit. Fortunately, conversations with my loved ones have helped me regain a broader perspective.
By taking a step back, I’ve learned to recognize all that I’ve already accomplished. This allows me to stay grounded in the present, rather than being consumed by a too-restrictive vision.
Believing Happiness is in the Future
For a long time, I lived with the idea that I would finally be happy when I reached a certain goal: succeeding in my career, finding love, or achieving financial freedom. But as Jim Carrey wisely said:
“I hope everybody gets rich and famous so they can see that’s not the answer.”
The truth is, if I can’t be happy today, I’m unlikely to be happy tomorrow, even if my dreams come true. Happiness isn’t a future goal, it’s a daily practice.
Expecting Others to Read My Mind
In my past relationships, I struggled to express my expectations. I unconsciously expected my partners to read my mind. Without ever clearly saying what I wanted, I ended up resenting them.
Looking back, I see how unfair that was. How could they have met my needs if I didn’t give them a chance? Learning to communicate my expectations has made a huge difference, both in my personal and professional relationships.
Identify Your Negative Patterns
Reflecting on my experiences, I’ve discovered that most of my blocks come from my own thoughts. They have nothing to do with reality. These limiting beliefs create unnecessary suffering, and sometimes, they become self-fulfilling prophecies.
And you? What thought or behavior patterns could be limiting you today? Are there recurring thoughts that cause you pain or prevent you from fully living?
I encourage you to take a moment to identify them. By bringing these patterns to light, you can begin to dismantle them and take back control of your life.